Your Friend Group Might Be Better With an Age Gap

We tend to make friends with people somewhere around our own age.

It makes sense. 

We went to school around the same time, remember many of the same terrible fashion trends, and probably have strong opinions about at least a few of the same songs.

But, a friend who’s 20 years older or younger can bring something entirely different to the table.

They can introduce us to new ideas and experiences, and an entirely different collection of pop culture references.

And it turns out, having friends from different generations may be good for us in more ways than one.

Why We Usually Make Friends Our Own Age

There's a reason our friend groups often fall within the same general age range.

School puts us with people our age. 

Workplaces, neighborhoods, and social activities may broaden the pool a little, but we still have a knack for finding people somewhere around our own age.

Researchers at Trinity College Dublin have even noted that society tends to separate people by age, making natural friendships between generations less likely.

Perhaps it isn't surprising, then, that we don't know nearly as much about these friendships as we do about friendships with people of similar ages.

A research review spanning 30 years only found six studies that met the criteria for naturally occurring friendships between older and younger adults.

It seems as though we're better at making age rules than studying what happens when we ignore them.

Different Ages Bring Different Things to the Friendship

Of course, nobody needs to turn an older or younger friend into a life coach.

That's not much of a friendship.

But, spending time with someone at a different stage of life gives both people a chance to encounter unique perspectives they may not get from their usual crowd.

Trinity College Dublin’s research found that intergenerational friendships can promote a sense of belonging and social inclusion.

And it works both ways.

The younger friend doesn't simply receive decades of wisdom while the older friend learns how to use TikTok.

Both people bring something to the friendship.

Someone older may have already lived through a stage of life the younger friend is just entering, while someone younger may introduce their friend to interests, places, or ways of thinking they might not have considered before.

They can challenge each other's assumptions, widen their social worlds, and simply enjoy spending time together.

And, if other people think the age difference makes the friendship a little unusual, well, that's their problem.

It May Even Be Healthy for Us

There may be some health benefits to mixing generations, too.

A review of 44 studies found that spending time with people of different ages may be good for our physical and social well-being.

There's an important caveat, though.

A lot of the existing research involves organized intergenerational programs rather than two people who met at book club and discovered they couldn't stop talking.

So, we can't say having a 60-year-old best friend is going to tack extra years onto our lives.

But, we can say that meaningful connections with people outside our own generation have a lot going for them.

Maybe Age Doesn't Belong on the Friendship Checklist

Making friends as an adult can be difficult enough.

We don't need to make the applicant pool any smaller.

If someone makes us laugh, shows up when it matters, and doesn't mind listening to the occasional story they've heard four times already, perhaps the year on their birth certificate doesn’t matter.

True friendships can be hard enough to find. So, when we find a good one, age seems like a pretty silly reason to pass it up.

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